"A Family Like God's" (Part 3)

Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.” (Luke 15:11-12 NIV).

Yesterday we saw the calm wisdom of the father as he faced the demands of his youngest son. Today I want to focus your attention on the events that most likely led to the son’s demands. The Scripture merely says, The younger one said to his father, “Father, give me my share of the estate.” It is a story of recurring conflict. This is a very familiar theme, one that all of us have at least seen, and perhaps experienced. While I have taken some liberty with the story, I believe it may have played out in the following manner.

The young son comes to his father and says, “Father, I have come of age. I want my share of the inheritance. I want to live my own life. I want to leave home.” The father is certainly stunned. He is shocked. He must have asked why? The son’s reply is predictable. “I am tired of living under the shadow of your rules, restrictions, and demands. I want to be on my own. I want to decide life for myself.” The father is so shocked, he can only stammer, “My son, wait, listen for a moment. The reason I have these restrictions is for your own good. The reason I have made these requirements is for your own good.”

The son still refuses and the father divides the inheritance and gives the portion to his younger son. Then he walks out of the house and down the road up to the crest of the hill with his son. Arm around his son, the father quietly and gently speaks to his son, “I hardly know how to accept what you are saying, and the decision you are making. To be honest, I think you are making a mistake. I just hope everything turns out like you hope it will. But, son, it is a vast, cold, hard world out there and I want you to know something as you leave: your daddy is going to be right here in the house. If you get out there and decide you want to come home, I want you to know I’ll be here.” The son coldly shakes his hand and the father waves goodbye with a tear in his eye as he watches his son disappear over the horizon.

Calm wisdom prevailed. We really see that truth more as the story unfolds. But it is there from the beginning. I have found that in families of all types, one truth exists universally: the tighter the grip, the more the struggle; the more the struggle, the tighter the grip. As parents we fear for the security and well being of our children. Therefore we tend to over protect and thus overly restrict the growth and independence of our children. Children, on the hand, must experiment with boundaries. They are always testing the edge and pushing the limits. Sometimes the best course of action is a deep breath and calmness of response. With younger children that usually means we step back from a “drill sergeant” approach and use the power of choices. With teens that usually means we lower the volume of our voice and change the tone. Participating in a shouting competition with our children simply doesn’t work well. You might “win,” but the loss suffered may cause greater conflict later. Commit yourself to calm wisdom today!