"Guarding the Low Places"

Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families, with their swords, spears and bows. After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes." (Nehemiah 4:13-14 NIV).

Yesterday I used the last of today’s reading to encourage you in the fight against the destruction of our families. Today I wanted to explore the preceding verse. This is the strategy that Nehemiah used to protect the people from the enemies threatening the people of Israel. He was most concerned with the “lowest points of the wall.” It occurs to me that most of the time our greatest challenges come at our weakest points too. The critical question then becomes how we can guard those positions better? Thinking more about that I’ve got some practical suggestions for you to practice; these are “do’s” instead of “do not’s.” They apply both in your relationship with your spouse or child.

1. Never both be angry at once. Perhaps the most essential element in our failure to extend grace in our relationships is that of anger. When we are angry, we simply cannot think clearly. Before you react, realize your feelings will affect your thoughts and words.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Isn’t it strange how easy it is to raise our voices when situations become emotionally charged? The truth is that our voices are either a wonderful tool of love and grace, or they are a weapon of unmatched destruction.
3. If you must criticize, do so lovingly. This principle falls naturally from the previous one, but is just as essential for us to understand and practice.
4. Never bring up a mistake of the past. It goes without saying that the past ought to remain in the past. The only issue that ought to be dealt with is the one before you. Past failures should never be used as a weapon in any discussion. That’s not God’s way, and it shouldn’t be our way!
5. Neglect the whole world rather than each other. There are so many things that pull at our time and energy. We should be very careful to guard our relationships so that nothing may drive us apart. Make sure that your family sees you place them ahead of everything else in life.
6. Never let a day end without saying a good word to each other. What a difference a simple word of encouragement makes in the lives of those closest to us! There are so many different ways to accomplish this. It may be something as simple as “I love you,” or as complex as a “teachable moment.” Whatever the circumstances, don’t let a day go by without speaking a positive, affirmative word to your family.
7. Never allow the other to come home without a warm welcome. Home ought to be a place of peace and security. You can communicate this with a warm welcome when your spouse or your children arrive. Don’t be too disappointed if it is seemingly ignored or taken for granted. Most good things are in our busy lives. But, they make a huge difference in the crises of life. Can you imagine what the Prodigal would have done if he didn’t feel he could have gone home? The story may have had a much different ending.
8. Never go to bed mad. The apostle Paul wrote, don’t get so angry that you sin. Don't go to bed angry and don't give the devil a chance. Like a campfire left untended, anger that smolders overnight can turn into a vast and destructive fire! Even if you do no more than agree to settle your differences at a later time, don’t let anger simmer in your home.
9. As soon as you realize you’ve made a mistake, admit it and ask for forgiveness. This is especially true when parents are dealing with teenagers. Here’s the principle: The tighter the grip, the more the struggle. One of the ways of relaxing your “grip” is to be able to admit to mistakes and ask for forgiveness. It will amaze you how much more you will be respected and honored.
10. It takes two to argue, short circuit arguments with calm wisdom. Just don’t play the game! I know that is certainly much easier to say than do, but the action will be prompted by the commitment. This is especially true as your children begin to stretch for more independence and freedom. Parenting is not a competition to be won. It is a journey to be experienced. The goal is to help our children become positive, mature, affirmative adults. At least one of the ways we can accomplish that goal is by setting the example!

Once again, let me encourage you to “Get Your Fight On!”