"A Family Like God's" (Part 9)

“So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.” (Luke 15:20-23 NIV).

Today we will look at the fourth principle of in developing a family like God’s: Never bring up a mistake of the past. It goes without saying that the past ought to remain in the past. The only issue that ought to be dealt with is the one before you. Past failures should never be used as a weapon in any discussion. That’s not God’s way, and it shouldn’t be our way!

When I have dealt with parents and couples in the families and marriages about this issue I have used the term “reruns.” We’re all familiar with television reruns or instant replays in sports, however when we see them in the family they are always a source of a deeper problem. Bringing up things from the past or throwing past mistakes in each others' faces is not good for any relationship. It is important to forgive and leave the past where it belongs. When we take every opportunity to remind our spouses or children of past problems or mistakes, it makes it clear that we really haven't forgiven or moved on. We must learn to let go put it behind us. Maybe the issue was never fully resolved and needs to be discussed calmly and settled once and for all, however this should not be attempted during a disagreement or heated exchange, but at another purposefully scheduled time.

That’s the example that Jesus uses in the parable of this wise father. I am sure that there could have been plenty of “I told you so’s” when the son came home, however the father exercised a wisdom that all of us would do well to emulate. He recognized the greater need for forgiveness and acceptance. Just as God forgives and forgets our past so we should deal with our family in the same manner. There are three principles in the development of this kind of practice in your family. First, treat it as a promise that you make to the individual who has offended you and now has repented, in which you are saying to him or her, I will not let my attitude toward you be governed any longer by this offense. It has been put aside. My treatment of you from here on will be as though this has never happened. Second, treat it as a promise not to pass it on to anybody else. When a matter is forgiven, it is to be forgotten. Now it may be that everyone knows about the matter, but what it means is that nobody brings up the issue again or holds it over a forgiven person's head or reminds him or her of it every time any further difficulty occurs. It is a promise to drop the matter, leave it in the past, and never bring it up to anybody again. Third, and probably most important, it is a promise to yourself that when your memory goes back to it, as it will occasionally, you are not going to allow it to seize hold of your heart and make you angry all over again. The minute it comes back to mind, you put it aside as something that belongs to the past. You are not going to dwell on it. It is a promise, therefore, to repeat your act of forgiveness, no matter how often the memory comes up. That is what forgiveness is like in a family like God’s!