"A Family Like God's" (Part 15)

Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" (Luke 15: 25-32, NIV).

Today we come to the last principle in this series. As we continue making our families like God’s family we will look at the tenth principle: It takes two to argue, short circuit arguments with calm wisdom. I love the way the parable ends. It certainly would be a great lesson with just the two main characters of the father and the lost son, but Jesus adds one more. He tells the reaction of the older son who stayed with his father and now is resentful and angry.

It is a natural reaction. You’ve certainly seen it in your own family. When one sibling feels they have been slighted they tend to lash out at you for your “unfairness.” This feeling may be rooted in something you’ve done for another child, or simply denied them from doing or having. I remember vividly the discussions we used to have over who would get to “ride shotgun” in the car. Rather than let the first one who “called it” get to ride in the front seat, my decision was to allow the tallest to ride where there was the most room. Sometimes that was Kyle, others David, or Aaron when it was just he and I. The point was that I had to make a decision that wasn’t very popular sometimes. And, there were times when an argument would rise to the surface. It would have been pretty easy to say that I was the Dad and the decision was final. However, that simply wasn’t satisfactory. It merely continued the argument. Calm wisdom demanded that I explain. They may not have liked the explanation, but now there wasn’t a competition set in motion either between them and me, or each other.

A family is not supposed to be a game where someone wins and someone loses. It is our responsibility as adults to make certain that everyone wins. So, when you feel as if the situation is slipping into one of those grueling cross examinations by your budding prosecuting attorney, just don’t play the game! I know that is certainly much easier to say than do, but the action will be prompted by the commitment. This is especially true as your children begin to stretch for more independence and freedom. Parenting is not a competition to be won. It is a journey to be experienced. The goal is to help our children become positive, mature, affirmative adults.