"Conquering Your Past" (Part 1)

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. (Psalm 103:11-13 NIV).

Our past, especially our failures have a way of haunting us into our present and future. Today I want to begin a little series in practically dealing with the past. Today I want to center our thoughts in the times when we did commit a mistake. There are times when you don't mean to hurt someone, but you do. And there are times when, in the heat of anger or hurt, you deliberately lash out. It happens. Or as you become more conscious, you may look back regretfully on past behavior that seemed all right at the time but no longer does. And you feel bad. You feel guilty. Understand that guilt is often a "substitute" for a feeling you don't think you should have or that feels too uncomfortable or painful. You may be angry at someone who died, or an aging parent or small child, and don't feel you have a right to feel that way. Or you may have deliberately hurt someone you love, and that's too painful or shameful to admit. But like withholding forgiveness, holding onto guilt keeps you imprisoned in the past. As painful as it may be, there's value in dealing with feelings of guilt. After all, once we have confessed our mistakes and failures to the Lord, he removes them “as far as the east is from the west”! So, here are two practical things to do to conquer your past:

 First, give yourself permission to feel the feelings. If you're feeling a feeling, it's the right feeling, no matter what anybody tells you or told you. You may not choose to act on it, but it's certainly okay and beneficial to allow yourself to feel it. If you find yourself feeling shamed, which may very well happen if you've hurt someone, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're just someone who's committed a hurtful act; in other words, you're human. You should understand that this “remorse” you feel is normal and natural. This is not about blame, but about taking responsibility and owning it. Remorse can be painful, but once you get through it, you can truly release your guilt. So as bad as it may feel, stick with it until you get through to the other side.

 Second, forgive yourself. Look at why you hurt, take responsibility for it, and forgive yourself. If appropriate, you may want to apologize to the other person and ask them for their forgiveness. Be careful of the temptation to turn the tables to make them feel sorry for you and soften your own pain. Feel the remorse and give them the space to express their feelings. If you're feeling guilty over past behavior, acknowledge it, forgive yourself, and make the commitment to change the behavior from that point on certainly a more productive use of your energy than punishing yourself through eternity!

So take a few moments today to see where you need to forgive and where you need to release guilt. And remember, nothing is unforgivable. If you can't forgive the "what," you can always forgive "why." The past is over, and the best thing you can do for yourself and those you interact with is to let it go, reclaim the energy that kept the anger and guilt in place, and redirect that energy into a more positive future. God has.