How Do I Know?

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:9-13 ESV).

How can you know that you’re really in love? How can you be sure if it is true love? The simple answer is that true love is unconditional. When love between two people is true, there are no ‘if’s’ attached. This doesn’t mean that things are always perfect. It does mean throughout all of the struggles in your life, your love for each other will override every obstacle and challenge you face. Unconditional love means that, even in these tough times, your love does not lessen. Our reading helps us with knowing the signs of this kind of love. True love has a foundation of honesty. Some relationships are based on lies. Whether these were little white lies you told when you met or lies of omission about your past, if you are carrying these around, your love can’t be said to be true. If, on the other hand, you’re both completely open with each other, faults included, then you’re on your way to true love. True love will not engage in power struggles. Whether it’s for ego, control, or stubbornness, trying to be dominant in your relationship takes away from the true love you’re striving for. If you and your partner see each other as equals, you’re that much closer to true love. True love encourages growth. Some people describe finding their true love as “the other half of the circle”. But this idea suggests that you were incomplete before meeting them. It suggests that you were only half-people, and now you’ve become one. A better way of looking at it is that true love doubles your joys and halves your sorrows. True love makes the highs higher and the lows not quite as bad. True love maintains loyalty. Cheating comes in many forms, and we’re not going to discuss technicalities. Whether it’s a physical affair, an emotional one, issues with online chatting or pornography, or anything that you would hide from your partner, your love is not your highest priority. When you’re truly in love, doing something that would hurt your partner hurts you just as much, and should be inconceivable to you. By the way, true love is not infatuation. It is not lust. It grows out of a genuine relationship to the Lord and involves all that we are or hope to be. It is worth waiting and working for.