A Wife's Love

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV). I may be in way over my head today with this reading and subject! However, if we are to understand real love, especially that love we are to have as spouse toward one another, we cannot ignore the reading today. Just as I looked into the husband’s love for his wife yesterday, today we look into the wife’s love for her husband. I am convinced that, perhaps more than at any other time in history, women today also need a clear understanding of how they should relate to their husbands. In fact, the significant social changes brought about by the women's movement over the last few decades have led to such confusion that the very idea of "roles" is repugnant to some. They feel as if somehow they lose their identity and their freedom if they adhere to some type of "outdated standard." So, as space permits (and it is a bit longer than usual today), let me make a few observations.

While the Bible doesn't apply our modern word "role" to marriage, the Scriptures are clear about the unique responsibilities God assigns to a wife. Forty-seven years ago, when Mary and I married, the photographer wanted us to pose for a picture of our wedding rings placed on the Bible. They really didn’t care about what passage was in the background; however, Mary and I were adamant about it being open to 1 Corinthians 13. As you can see, that’s the picture that was made. Today, I want to reflect a bit, as well as look at some practical things that describe the relationship Paul sees in our reading for a married couple. Though I will be speaking principally to wives, these principles apply to all of us. First, be a helper to your husband. While all of us are called to be helpers to others, the Bible places a special emphasis on this responsibility for wives. Genesis tells us that God realized it wasn't good for man to be alone, and that He decided to make a "helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). It is interesting to note that the Hebrew meaning of the word helper in this passage is found hereafter in the Bible to refer only to God as He helps us. The fact that this same word is applied to a wife signifies that we women have been given tremendous power for good in our husbands' lives. God has designed wives to help their husbands become all that God intends for them to be. Second, respect your husband. When you respect your husband you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him. It means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values. The macho man who is self-contained, independent, and invulnerable is a myth. A husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him, and cheering him on as he goes about his life. Third, love your husband. Titus 2:4 calls for wives "to love their husbands." A good description of the kind of love your husband needs is "unconditional acceptance." In other words, accept your husband just as he is — an imperfect person. Fourth, submit to the leadership of your husband. Just mention the word "submission," and many women immediately become angry and even hostile. This controversial concept has been highly debated and misunderstood. Some husbands and wives actually believe submission indicates that women are inferior to men in some way. I have known women who think that if they submit they will lose their identity and become non-persons. Others fear (some with good reason) that submission leads to being used or abused. Another misconception is that submission means blind obedience on the part of the woman. This is not Scriptural. The Scripture does make it clear that a wife should submit voluntarily to her husband's sensitive and loving leadership. This means the husband becomes the servant-leader God has commanded him to be. There is a special note here: Some of you may live with abuse or in excessively unhealthy and destructive conditions in your marriage. At times, it may be inappropriate or even life-threatening for you to apply unquestioningly the principles of submission. For example, if you are being physically or verbally abused, you may need to take steps to protect yourself and your children. If you are in that situation, please discerningly seek out someone wise who has been trained to help with your specific issue. Loving, forgiving, and submitting do not mean that you become a doormat or indefinitely tolerate significantly destructive behavior. In the same way many things can be made in a variety of sizes and colors with numerous differences in detail from one plan, so one marriage may look different from another. As we acknowledge Christ as Lord of our lives, we must work out our marriages according to God's plan. The key is for each wife to follow God's plan, know her part, and work to fit in with her husband's responsibilities, just as each husband knows his part and works to accomplish God’s plan in the family.