Leaving, Cleaving, and Becoming

The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:20-25 ESV).

One of the questions I am often asked is, “Is there really a key to keeping a marriage intact?” Well, there are several references to having a happy marriage in the Bible, but there is one key verse that is found only once in the Old Testament and twice in the New Testament. Our reading today says we are to leave, cleave, and become. Each of these words has some special significance in the process to achieving a long, positive, and affirmative relationship. Let’s briefly look at each one of these. 1. Leave – A man shall leave his mother and father. This is about prioritizing our spouse over parents, children, siblings, and friends. Our spouse should be more than just a friend; they should be our best friend. If you are married and closer to any person other than your spouse, your priorities are wrong. This calls a couple to a sense of loyalty and builds a depth of trust that cannot be broken with the sudden rush of emotions that often plague a relationship. 2. Cleave – Cleave to his wife. The word “cleave” means to join fast together, to glue, or cement. These definitions imply there will always be pressures to pull the marriage apart. All of those things that can easily creep into a marriage, like busyness, work, demands from children, money, and health problems are unavoidable. Live long enough and these things will erupt in our lives. The stress to separate our lives from our spouses is great. The “glue” needs to be unbreakable. Marriage is about lifetime commitment. 3. Become – The two shall become one flesh. The word used here really means “weave.” It pictures the basket weaving of that day. Some have suggested that this is a reference to sexual intimacy. While that certainly is a part of the process, it is not the only thing that weaves two lives together. This is about living life. It involves communication, negotiation, and resolution of all of our difference in a way that is mutually beneficial. It is recognizing that when we relate to our spouse, we are really just relating to ourselves. As you approach Valentine’s Day, take inventory of your relationship. Where are you in this process? This is the way to make a marriage really last through the tests of time.