The Path to Forgiveness - Pt. 2

 

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32 ESV).

 

The first step along the path to forgiveness is to uncover your anger. It is important to recognize that this exercise is not designed to find uncover the “act” that caused an angry response, but to discover the basis from which the angry response came. In our culture, anger is often hidden, unless it explodes in full-blown rage. We all experience anger, but we tend to tamp it down and hide it from others and from ourselves. In turn this causes actions that would not be tolerated in ordinary experiences. These are often called “triggers.” They may come from memories of traumatic or enraging events or anxiety related to personal issues. They may be deeply rooted in our past or relatively recent experiences. They are often associated with fear, obligation, or guilt.

 

It takes courage to get honest about anger. It can be a daunting task. It is easy for us to fear the expression of anger and the resulting loss of control. We also fear the rejection it brings from others and feelings of loss of regard. In that regard, I recommend you use a notebook and designate it your “Anger Journal.” Write down what you know you are angry about, with whom you are angry, and how that anger has impacted you. Give yourself permission to remember anger from your childhood, school life, jobs, family, friendships, and romantic relationships. If you are like most of us, you will have a fairly long list.

 

Take your time. This work is likely to churn up a lot of old emotions. The anger is still there, deep inside you, and you are bringing it to the surface. That’s good, because those hidden emotions often drive us to live unconsciously, repeating painful experiences over and over. You may need to be guided in this experience by a professional or trusted friend. To overcome your anger, you must discover these “opportunities of the devil” (v. 26). Then you may begin the work of getting rid of them.