A Journey Toward Wisdom - Pt. 8

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (Proverbs 15:1-4 ESV).

 

I have skipped ahead in our study of the Book of Proverbs. Chapters 5-14 are a list of very practical applications of how the life of wisdom affects our behavior. All these verses are very good, and I hope you will spend some time reading them. However, today I thought our reading seemed to be an important “next step” in our journey toward wisdom. It describes the difference between relational and positional communication. Solomon says, “a soft answer [relational communication] turns away wrath, but a harsh word [positional communication] stirs up anger” (v. 1).

 

Perhaps one of the most common verses I use in working with married couples is from this reading. I have found that it is rare in our culture for couples to know how to effectively communicate with a softness that will “turn away wrath.” Yet, it is the root of being wise in the most important relationship we have in life.

 

Some people believe that simply being silent and not saying anything is the answer to avoiding conflict. I have found that merely delays the inevitable conflict rather than providing for a mutually acceptable resolution. Not responding can be a temporary coping mechanism, however, most of the time it only serves to allow our anger to build to the level that is far more damaging to our relationships.

 

This “soft answer” Solomon is talking about an honest give and take in the negotiating of a solution. It is not the often passive-aggressive style of gaslighting that is so common today. It is full of honest questions and the seeking of solutions that both parties will find acceptable. It is based on the seeking of forgiveness and repentance from both parties. It is wisdom at work!