A Soft Answer - Pt 3

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. Let another raise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but a fool's provocation is heavier than both. Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:1-6 ESV).

We have used Peanuts for illustrations the last few days in our series dealing with the “soft answer.” Today’s cartoon has the caption of: “This is all your fault. I wouldn’t be so mean if you weren’t so gullible, Charlie Brown!” It takes us to our reading today. There Solomon tells us, Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV). We can conclude that we must open ourselves to correction if we desire to practice a soft answer in our communication with others. This is especially true when we are striving to resolve conflicts. Love must confront sometimes, and it’s far better to be confronted by someone who cares about you than it is to be flattered by someone who doesn’t care about you. Hidden love is a love that’s too timid and afraid to confront a person. Whenever we’re in a conflict with another person, we need to open ourselves to correction. In most cases, we’ve done things that contributed to the problem, whether it’s failing to meet an expectation, holding on to the problem for too long, or gossiping to a friend about the problem. Now opening ourselves to correction is exactly opposite of what we feel like doing in the midst of a conflict. Instead, our temptation is to close ourselves off to the other person, either out of anger or to protect ourselves from further hurt. We tend to rationalize our part in the problem as justified. There are two things that are essential in this exercise.  First, we need to recognize that having a conflict is not about competing. We are not trying to win an argument, but restore a relationship. I have often reminded couples in the midst of any disagreement that trying to win the argument will always lead to a Pyrrhic victory at best. You may win the battle, but you will most certainly lose the war.  Second, we need to both ask for forgiveness and grant forgiveness as God granted it to us. This is never optional for the believer. We cannot withhold grace and forgiveness, no matter how serious or severe the offense.