A Soft Answer - Pt 1

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense. (Proverbs 10:11-13 ESV).

As we continue the little series in using a soft answer in conflict the first principle is simply to decide to love. Our reading today is clear, Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses (Proverbs 10:12 ESV). The Hebrew word for "hatred" here simply refers to strong dislike for another person. Strong dislike for people stirs up arguments. The more we dislike a person, the more often we’ll tend to have conflict with that person. We often call these personality conflicts, but underneath we have strong dislike. But love, on the other hand, covers over all wrongs. This is an interesting word, "covers." This Hebrew verb "cover" here comes from the Hebrew word for "forgive." To cover a wrong is to forgive an offense, to let an offense go. This same Proverb is quoted in the New Testament to stress the importance of Christians loving each other (cf. 1 Peter 4:8). So here we find our first step to wise up about conflict. Decide ahead of time to conduct yourself with love. With every conflict we face a crossroads, a decision of whether to conduct ourselves with love or to conduct ourselves in an unloving way. For the follower of Jesus Christ, the only legitimate option is the path of love. This decision is often a difficult one, a decision that costs us and goes against our natural impulses. But this is the Christian path of growth and maturity, the pathway of love. Love is not acting as if you like someone you really don’t like. It is not just letting another person have their way, being a doormat in a relationship. Love is making the decision to act in the best interests of the other person. Love is a decision that puts the needs of the person above our own needs at that moment. That can only come from our relationship with Christ. We cannot do this of our own will and strength. So whenever we’re facing a conflict, whether with our child, a spouse, a friend, a church member, a boss, we need to decide ahead of time to conduct ourselves with love. Our best example is always Jesus. He consistently practiced relational honesty. When confronted by his enemies he would always put their needs above his own. He could have easily avoided all contact with them; however, knowing their need and their heart he honestly and gracefully confronted them with the truth. He had the perfect balance between truth telling and grace giving. We should strive for the same balance in our relationships.