The Good Listener - Pt 3

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. When wickedness comes, contempt comes also, and with dishonor comes disgrace. The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook. It is not good to be partial to the wicked or to deprive the righteous of justice. A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. (Proverbs 18:1-7 ESV). The third principle for becoming a good listener is to be a perceptive listener. As we see from our reading today, this principle is clearly written in Proverbs, both here and in many other passages throughout this Wisdom Book. Good listening asks perceptive, open-ended questions, that don’t tee up yes or no answers, but gently peel the onion and probe beneath the surface. It watches carefully for non-verbal communication, but doesn’t interrogate and pry into details the speaker doesn’t want to share, but meekly draws them out and helps point the speaker to fresh perspectives through careful, but genuine, questions. I have occasionally been accused to setting people up in my conversations. Certainly that is not my intent; however, I do like to ask questions that will stir others to deepen the level of conversation for mutual benefit. Perceptive listening is by far the most complex of the levels of listening. It requires you to be totally focused; completely mindful of what’s really going on. Perceptive listening is also something the party being listened to can feel. We’ve all grown pretty numb to act of conversing with people while they divide their attention between our words and their electronics. Perceptive listening is how you tell when a person is really hearing you. Perceptive listening is how you mentor another. It’s how you draw out what they are truly passionate about. It’s how you help them self manage and lead. We’ve all met those folks who just seem to feel like a friend immediately. They just seem to be someone we want to get to know more. It is usually because they have truly listened to us. They have heard our words and translated them into a deeper understanding of who we are. Jesus often did this. With the woman at the well, his conversation was designed to help her recognize he was not there as a judge but a Savior. Their relationship changed eternally when that knowledge was conveyed. We can have that kind of influence on others when we develop and use the skill of listening perceptively. It does require we be other-focused; but, that is the call to every believer. Take the time today to listen perceptively. Don’t merely hear the words, feel the person speaking them!