The Mystery of Marriage - Pt 3

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:1-7 ESV).

Today we get to the common problem with our reading. It is rooted in the correct definition of headship and submission. I cannot urge you strongly enough to see this passage does two important things: it guards against the abuses of headship by telling husbands to love like Jesus; and, it guards against the debasing of submission by telling wives to respond the way the church does to Christ. Perhaps it would be best for me to give a direct, clearly delineated definition of headship and submission as I understand them from this text. Later I will also raise an objection or two and ultimately close with some practical implications. First, headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home; and, second, submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. This begs the question of mutual submission (cf. Ephesians 5:21). The ideas of headship and submission are not popular today. The spirit of our society makes it very hard for people to even hear texts like this in a positive way. The most common objection to the picture I just painted of loving leadership and willing submission is that Paul teaches us to be mutually submissive to each other: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Some would conclude that if mutual submission is a reality between husband and wife, then it’s a contradiction to say the husband has a special responsibility to lead and the wife a special responsibility to support that leadership and help carry it through. I would say that it is simply not true. However, there is no contradiction between mutual submission and a relationship of leadership and response. Mutual submission doesn’t mean that both partners must submit in exactly the same ways. Christ submitted himself to the church in one way, by a kind of servant-leadership that cost him his life. And the church submits herself to Christ in another way by honoring his leadership and following him on the Calvary road. So it is not true that mutual submission rules out the family pattern of Christ-like leadership and church-like submission. Mutual submission doesn’t obliterate those roles; it transforms them. That brings glory to God.