Finding the Good

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:1-5 ESV). There are so many reasons why it is difficult for us to find good in others. It may be that’s simply what we were shown as we grew up. Perhaps we were the target of endless criticism from others or ourselves, and we now cringe to hear that same attitude in our tone toward others. Maybe in public settings, you struggle to simply relax and enjoy what is going on without inspecting, examining, and forming opinions about your experience. Complaining relates to situations, whereas criticism relates to people. While constructive criticism can have value, destructive criticism causes pain. Dwelling upon the perceived faults of others with no view to their good can only destroy. Some faults we see in others aren’t even real; they’re perceived. Our perception of what is wrong with someone else is not necessarily accurate. We may be unaware of extenuating circumstances, or maybe the problem is actually with us, not the other person at all. We can become very critical of others yet be entirely wrong in our opinions. Regardless of whether the faults are real or perceived, dwelling on those faults is destructive. Whether you lock onto one fault in one person or you get to the place where you can’t see anything good and right anywhere, you’re wrestling a critical attitude. If you’re an analytical person, a lot of data is coursing through your mind. You can’t necessarily stop that general way of thinking; it’s the way God made you. The problem comes when you choose to dwell upon your observations, when you can’t set them aside. It’s not criticism to dwell upon a fault you observe in someone, provided you are going to pray about it and pursue a solution. If you observe someone struggling with a specific issue, it’s not a critical attitude to pray for that person and ask God to help him. And if you have a relationship with the person, it’s not a critical attitude to observe a flaw, go directly to the person, and talk to him. But too often at this point our motives get muddied, and rather than talking directly to the person, we share the situation with a third party or dwell on it in our minds. Over time, criticism makes us hard, vindictive, and cruel. It leaves us with the flattering but very false notion that we are superior. It is impossible to develop the characteristics of Christ while maintaining a critical attitude. Find the good in others and help to bring more of it out in them and yourself.