Happily Married

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:18-24 ESV). Have you ever wondered why some couples seem so happily married? It's not that their lives are any easier or more perfect than yours, but they do know how to keep the daily grind from eroding their relationship. Our reading today indicates that God’s desire is for us to have such relationships. The following suggestions might be something for you to consider: 1. Fall in love all over again. Make a conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the more you will feel like you are. 2. Remember the good times. Treat your partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. For the “shiny” to come back in your relationship, you need to polish it. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing together. Plan for them and make them happen. 3. Help your partner feel more loved and secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, and give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements. 4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise. 5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment not at work; thinking about the new color you want to paint your kitchen, or any of the million things going on. They’ll still be there after you give your attention to your spouse. 6. Pay attention to your physical appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each other. It does matter. 7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love zero in on their similarities and think their differences are a compliment. Build compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next. 8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together. Be playful. When was the last time you laughed together? Rent a comedy or love story with a happy ending (I call them “Mary movies”) to tickle your funny bone. 9. Fact-find don't mind-read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course. 10. Fight fair and by appointment only. Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms. Try these and see if you won’t be happier in your relationship. It does take a lot of work. However, it is worth it!