Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14-21 ESV).
Just one of the many issues people reveal in their conversations with me is the result of some past wrong done against them. In each of these stories, one message comes through loud and clear. They will never forgive the offender for the wrong. In fact, the memory is like a magnet pulling them back all the hurt, injustice, and pain. This is the poison of bitterness. While it may begin as a small thing, it grows exponentially if not dealt with effectively. The offense burrows its way into our hearts. We replay it in our minds, creating deep ruts that will be hard to build back up. We retell our hurts to any available listener, including each sordid detail. We enlist support, pushing us further into our resentment. We hear the offending person's name and cringe. We decipher the offense as intentional and our offender as full of spite. We look for other reasons, both real or imagined, to dislike our villain. With each new piece of information, we form another layer of bitterness.
We fool ourselves into thinking no one will know, but anger and resentment have a way of seeping into everything. Resentment is like a beach ball we try to submerge in the water. No matter how valiant our efforts, it pops up with all its vitality, splashing everyone around. Our reading today has a solution: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (v. 18). The big question is how can we do that? How can we prevent bitterness from moving into our hearts? How can we deal with our feelings instead of letting them grow into bitterness?
The real key is in understanding that we are to forgive because we are forgiven. You can discern a person is trapped when their first response is, "You don't understand what they did to me." We may not understand, but Jesus Christ does. He lived a perfect life, but was beaten, mocked, spit on, and hung on a wooden cross to die a cruel death. We are told to forgive others just as Christ forgave us. Do they deserve it? No. Do we deserve it? Again, no. But still, he hung on that cursed tree because of his love for each of us.
When we have an unforgiving spirit, our eyes are not on him; they are fixed on ourselves. Once when I'd been hurt, I told God, "Someone should pay for this." And in his kind, loving, tender way he said to me, "I paid." Treasure that thought instead of your hurt. Stop drinking the poison.
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