Poking a Hornet's Nest

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV). I sometimes have so much to say in such a little space I don’t know where to begin. Over the last few days I have been involved in several families and their challenges in regard to parenting. I have come back to our reading often. There is an incredible wisdom of balance the apostle outlines for us. It is a very direct, uncomplicated statement of truth. Children should be obedient to their parents; and, parents should exercise gentle, kind discipline and instruction with their children. I know that’s easier said than done. Believe me I have made more than a few mistakes in this area. However, our mistakes don’t change the truth. Relational balance is the key. I have often said to parents and children alike, “The tighter the grip, the more the struggle; and, the more the struggle, the tighter the grip.” It’s just another way of encouraging families to stop competing with one another. No one needs to win in our relationship; rather, everyone needs to win. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Let’s see if I can illustrate the truth here. You have three children, all separated by several years. Correspondingly they are different sizes. You get ready to go someplace and one of them says, “I’ve got shotgun.” That was a common thing in the early days when my boys were growing up. The car was always not quite big enough for the oldest in the back and if one of the younger guys wanted the front it always resulted in an argument. You’ve been there. What do you do? How do you discipline, or teach in this situation. My solution was to remind them of the basic rules of engagement. The bigger guy always got the front where there was more room. When they became “bigger” they would get the front. I won’t detail the principles involved in this teaching, but it is the way of God. He often chooses for us things that seem unfair. Peter felt that way when Jesus told him his ultimate end would be crucifixion (cf. John 21:15-22). He asked Jesus, “What about John?” Jesus reminded him that wasn’t his concern. Sometimes we go about in our families as if we enjoy conflict. We “poke the hornet’s nest.” It is completely unproductive and unnecessary. Find a better balance in your family and you will find peace and harmony. Amazingly you will also find that it is easier for everyone to live respectfully toward one another. And one last thing: they don’t need to be just like us. We, and they, need to be just like Jesus. The next time you are tempted to be God, remember to take them to God. We are not a good substitute for Him. Children, obey your parents; and parents, don’t provoke your children. You’ll like that kind of life much more!