Comfort One Another

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7 ESV). We are all called to comfort others. Pain is undeniable. We will all suffer in this world, from one affliction or another. We have each been given the opportunity to become a "wounded healer" and reach out to others who are in pain, who feel alone, isolated, and abandoned. However, there is a “right” way and a “wrong” way to be a comforter. Here are some suggestions. Always be honest. Admit when you really don’t know what to say. Even when you may have undergone the same thing in your life, your experience is not the same as someone else's. Ask them if they’d like you to pray for them and ask what they want you to pray about. Respect their request. Don’t pray for healing if they want prayer for new medications. Remind them that coping with life’s difficulties is a process and that the length of time is different for everyone. Just listen. Let them share their thoughts and feelings with you and don’t say, “I understand,” if you haven’t been there yourself. Respect where they are with their faith. If you see them struggling, be sensitive to it and don’t tell them to snap out if it, that God is still good. Pray for them silently and be patient. Treat them as though they are still a whole person, despite their limitations. Let them know you are thinking about them. A card or a phone call can make the difference. Avoid giving “God balm.” If you say, “God will heal you” or “all things work together...” they may believe you don’t really understand and avoid sharing their feelings with you in the future. Don’t feel compelled to share every “cure” you’ve heard of for their illness. Be aware of the fact that illness is not just a matter of attitude. Don’t say, “When are you going to get rid of that cane?” or “Did you know illness is caused by stress?” Respect their limitations and be sensitive to them. Don’t say, “A little walk might do you some good” or “No pain, no gain!” Only they know their limits and they will likely change from day to day depending on many factors. What they could do yesterday may not be possible today. Don’t question that. And, you can be of practical help. Offer specific ways that you can assist your friend. Say, “I am going to the drug store. Can I pick something up for you?” Look around her home and see where your friend might need some help. Does the shower need scrubbed? The leaves raked? The carpet shampooed. Offer to take care of these things. Volunteer to pick up some groceries rather than do the cooking. Many times people with illnesses have restrictive diets, so they may prefer some fresh fruits and vegetables than a casserole. Remember that one’s spouse and children have needs too and these often concern your friend. Take the children out for awhile so they can get some rest. It is never easy to be ill. All of us can make it a little easier if we will be thoughtful enough to “bear one another’s burdens” in grace and kindness.