"How to Stay Stressed"

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:32-34 NIV).

Yesterday we looked at some of the symptoms of stress. Today I have listed (from a negative perspective) some of the ways to stay stressed. It is a little unusual to study this list instead of the positive, but it will provide a little clearer picture of where we really are in our lives. I hope you enjoy the “tongue in cheek” style. Here's how to stay stressed.

1. First, never exercise. Exercise wastes a lot of the time that could be spent worrying.
2. Second, eat anything you want. Hey if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balance diet isn't likely to either.
3. Third, gain weight. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.
4. Fourth, take plenty of stimulants. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
5. Fifth, avoid "woo-woo practices." Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, prayer, and/or praise help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.
6. Sixth, get rid of your social support system. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
7. Seventh, personalize all criticism. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take the time to listen, be offended, and then return the attack!
8. Eighth, throw out your sense of humor. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
9. Ninth, males and females alike should be macho. Never ask for any help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself! Become a workaholic. Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
10. Tenth, discard good time management skills. Schedule more activities every day than you can possibly get done then worry about it all whenever you get a chance. Or, procrastinate. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
11. Eleventh, worry about things you can't control. Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, and the approaching Ice Age. You know, all the big issues.
12. Twelfth, become not only a perfectionist but also set impossibly high standards, and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them.

So, what will it be today? Stress or trust? Today’s trouble really is enough for today. Let tomorrow rest in your Father’s hands. He is more than capable of caring for our every need.